Meeting New Friends

I’ve written before that I’ve struggled to find my tribe of women mom friends.  Since moving to Atlanta, most of our friends don’t have children.  In an effort to make new friends, I’ve tried creating my own meetup group.  Out of the 4-5 meetups I’ve hosted, I’ve had exactly zero people show up (womp womp).  Despite feeling like a loser, I’m still trying to put myself out there.

I recently heard about an app called Peanut, that helps to connects moms.  The advertisement was during a parenting podcast that I really enjoyed, so I thought…why not give it a try?  It’s basically tinder dating to find mom friends.  You swipe one way if you like the person and swipe the other if you don’t.  I’ve been looking at it, and connected with a few moms through the app, but nothing had led to any kind of substantial communication so far.  And then, it happened!  I had a mom reach out to say hi and we hit it off!

It was great to chat back and forth with her, because it made me feel happy to have someone with similar struggles (i.e. hiding under the crib to look at your iPhone while your darling falls asleep, or dealing with a kiddo meltdown).  Our online rapport and banter had been so much fun, that we decided to meet up for a coffee date this weekend.

I was nervous and excited to meet this new potential mom friend.  What if our online chemistry didn’t translate in real life?  What if we didn’t jive or the conversation was awkward and weird?   What if she thinks I’m a total weirdo (and not in a good way)?!?  Finding new friends, even platonic ones, comes with all the same kind of worries of dating!

I worried all for naught, because we hit it off immediately.  When I found her, she immediately reached out to hug me.  I loved this, because I’m a huge hugger too!  She reminded me a lot of a good friend from Los Angeles.  In some ways, she talked very similarly to my friend that it threw me for a loop at first.  We sat down at a table outside and talked for two hours straight.   We had such easy conversation and my cheeks hurt from laughing and smiling.  I didn’t want to leave, but I also didn’t want to overstay my welcome either.  We made plans to meet up again soon, next time bringing our daughters with.

There have been lots of new things lately.  New job, new approach to my same old problems, new dynamic in my relationship, new way of trying to view myself.  I’m hoping that today is the start of a another new thing.  A new friendship with a kindred spirit.

Time for a breakdown

Time for a breakdown

A lot has gone on in the past month. I’m not sure if this post is going to be breaking down all that has been happening or detailing my breakdown that I seem on the verge of having. 

I’m on my 2nd week at a new job. I’m working with and for some people I previously worked with and I’m very happy about that. Overall the environment seems way more positive than the one I was in. But I came on board to find out during the first week that my manager wasn’t really my manager. There was a director role missing so he really is supposed to be my boss’ boss. Then I find out that my faux manager is going to leave this current team to manage a different team in the company. My new REAL manager starts at the end of the month and they are looking for a new leader also. And THEN I find out that the lead person (again interviewed with him) is leaving after my first week. And 2 other people from a team of 6 are done in early August. What. The. Fuck. 

That leaves 3 people left on team that are staying. And none of them know diddly shit. I’m supposed to greet my new boss and orient him…after only having been here 3 weeks myself. 

Beyond the people/staffing clusterfuck there are a lot of different moving pieces. And acronyms. And I don’t have the right access yet. 

To say I feel overwhelmed is a complete understatement. Our stuff is utilized by the whole company and I’ve been terrified something is going to stop working and our team will have no clue how to fix it. Today I wanted to cry but it’s kinda hard to have a good solid cry in those new collaborative work environments where you have zero privacy. I held back the tears, only because I didn’t want someone to see me cry and label me as the new person…who is unstable. 

There’s more to report but I need to take a deep breath and head back to the office to have more shit dumped in my lap. BRB – fighting back another round of tears. 

Let’s Talk About Sex (after) Baby…

Let’s Talk About Sex (after) Baby…

Shit changes after you have a kid.   Physically. Emotionally.  I remember distinctly the anxiety and nervousness I felt before having sex the first time after giving birth. It shot me back in time, feeling like a virgin who was going to “do it”.  How would it feel?  Have my lady parts recovered from birth?  Will he notice a difference in how it feels?  How will it feel to me?  Holy fuck, what if I get pregnant again right away?!?

I had some birth trauma, and was getting physical therapy for my pelvic floor muscles, so I was incredibly worried I’d somehow pee on my husband involuntarily.  (Side story:  when I was cleared for exercise, I went for a short run and pissed myself.  Not just a little leakage…full on could-have-wrung-out-my-pants pissed myself.  I think the anxiety was warranted in this case.)

More than anything, I felt like this body, that I’d known and lived in for all these years, suddenly felt completely foreign to me.  I had to re-learn what would feel good in the sack.  And conversely, what wouldn’t.  I had to come to the realization that sex post-baby wasn’t going to be like it was pre-baby.  And that was OK.  This was a new phase for us as a couple and for me as a woman.  I can say this, now that my daughter is approaching 2-1/2, with some degree of confidence.  In the moment, I felt like an insecure hormonal wreck.  This is the shit about parenthood and pregnancy that people don’t tell you about, but really should.  Everyone talks about the joy of motherhood…not how you and your partner will be rolling around like teenagers trying to learn the lay of the land (again) while simultaneously trying to keep quiet so as not to wake the baby!  More than one time I cried after sex.  Not because it was terrible, but because it was different and seemed to fill me with overwhelming emotion.  I blame hormones on that one.

Things change for our partners too. My husband witnessed the miracle of birth and actually helped deliver our daughter. That meant he got an up close and personal view of what happened to my lady bits. He was traumatized for months. On top of that it took him awhile to reconcile that I could be a mom to our child and want to get laid at the same time. It was difficult for him to see me as a sexual being and not just a mom. We struggled to find a rhythm and flow to our sex life for the first year after baby.

We still don’t have sex as after as we’d like to, but the demands of raising a family, and us working full-time tires the shit out of us.  I hate to say this, but it’s a reality I want to share with you.  There have been plenty of nights where I have chosen sleep over sex….and I find my husband incredibly attractive.  We also don’t have any family close by, so there’s no one to give us a break.  And he travels frequently.  The list of reasons go on and on.  I write this, while my daughter is asleep and my husband retired to bed.  I really should be sleeping myself but wanted to write.  Ah, the trade offs.

For those men reading this that may be horrified and may never want to get their partner pregnant, it does get better.  I can tell you that.  It really does, it just takes time.

 

Figuring Out Your Passion

My husband is one of those people that grew up knowing what he wanted to do for a career and sometimes I’m envious of that.  I turned 39 last month and I still am asking myself the question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?”  I’m sure I’m not alone, because I believe my husband is the exception, not the rule.  Most people don’t know, or are stuck in a job that they don’t love.  Or even like.

I have found myself in jobs I don’t absolutely love for the past few years.  It’s been frustrating to say the least.  My current job, while I love the customers I deal with, my boss and teammates have been awful.  The shit that has come out of their mouths has left me appalled and feeling alone.  Very alone.  Recently a colleague said she was concerned I was raising the bar for everyone else in our department by providing a customer with a thorough well-written piece of documentation.  She even sent an email to our entire team saying she wasn’t going to provide that to her customers.  I shit you not. I personally believe that job security doesn’t exist any longer, but I am a firm believe that providing exceptional customer service to your customers helps you tremendously.

How do you find somewhere that matches your kind of crazy?  How do you even try to weed out places while job hunting and interviewing?  How in the fuck do you figure out what you want to be when you grow up?  

I feel so lost in this arena.  My husband has made suggestions but some don’t feel right. I’ve been selectively applying to jobs that pique my interest. Just figuring out how to cope with fuckwits at work in the meantime. 
If you have ideas I’m open to them.