Perfect timing for my daughter to get sick. 2-1/2 weeks into a new job. With no manager or director right now. Sigh. Tuesday night we were up half the night with her because she wasn’t feeling well. Poor peanut, I know this is not her fault but shit. What awful timing!
Yesterday I stayed home from work with her. I tried to do some work when she napped but also wanted to make sure I took good care of her. I was able to still attend a conference call because the husband came home from work. I felt so incredibly guilty when I was working and not taking care of V, and then felt guilty when I was with her and not attending to my work. It’s incredibly exhausting to feel like an octopus juggling all these balls in the air. And the sad fact? By trying to spread myself so thin I’m not doing any of these things well. At all.
Last night she still had almost a 103 fever. I felt so bad for her because I knew she was miserable. Poor baby. Even though she woke up with no fever this morning, I still wanted to keep her home for another day.
Which meant another morning of trying to juggle. Then rushing off to work for an afternoon filled with meetings and trainings. Sigh. These are days that I wish I could clone myself.
A lot has gone on in the past month. I’m not sure if this post is going to be breaking down all that has been happening or detailing my breakdown that I seem on the verge of having.
I’m on my 2nd week at a new job. I’m working with and for some people I previously worked with and I’m very happy about that. Overall the environment seems way more positive than the one I was in. But I came on board to find out during the first week that my manager wasn’t really my manager. There was a director role missing so he really is supposed to be my boss’ boss. Then I find out that my faux manager is going to leave this current team to manage a different team in the company. My new REAL manager starts at the end of the month and they are looking for a new leader also. And THEN I find out that the lead person (again interviewed with him) is leaving after my first week. And 2 other people from a team of 6 are done in early August. What. The. Fuck.
That leaves 3 people left on team that are staying. And none of them know diddly shit. I’m supposed to greet my new boss and orient him…after only having been here 3 weeks myself.
Beyond the people/staffing clusterfuck there are a lot of different moving pieces. And acronyms. And I don’t have the right access yet.
To say I feel overwhelmed is a complete understatement. Our stuff is utilized by the whole company and I’ve been terrified something is going to stop working and our team will have no clue how to fix it. Today I wanted to cry but it’s kinda hard to have a good solid cry in those new collaborative work environments where you have zero privacy. I held back the tears, only because I didn’t want someone to see me cry and label me as the new person…who is unstable.
There’s more to report but I need to take a deep breath and head back to the office to have more shit dumped in my lap. BRB – fighting back another round of tears.
In an attempt to engage the team (?) today, a colleague sent out an email of a video. It was from a motion activated camera from her property of a coyote taking a dead squirrel off camera. This resulted in a flurry of responses from our team including our manager who said: “Well, you leave us the mystery of how the squirrel died…”. Ordinarily most of our team doesn’t interact with one another but apparently dead animals is a uniter!!!!!
What in the actual fuck. What. The. Fuck. Is this really my life?!?
I wish I was making this up.
I believe this helps to explain exactly why I’m currently looking for a new job.
Don’t believe me? I took a pic from the video.
I’m done for the day. Dunno how you top a coyote and a dead squirrel.