I am dipping my toes back into the world of (online) dating after my divorce. It has been interesting to say the least! I have had several good times, too many laughs to count, and a few WTF moments to share with you. It has been nearly 20 years since I have “dated” and things have changed, including me.
First and foremost, can someone help me understand why ghosting is happening with people in their late 30’s and 40’s? Last time I checked I thought we were all adults! I saw a Tiktok that cracked me up because she said if you ghost someone as a person in your 40’s, I am going to wonder if it is ghosting or you had a heart attack and died! LOL This happened to me with a match I had. Things were going fairly well IMHO. We had seen each other multiple times and were texting daily over the course of several months. I cannot tell you how hurt I was when the ghosting happened. I had no closure. I was left holding the bag, wondering what went wrong. Replaying our time together in my head, wondering where I had somehow missed a sign? What I deserved, and would have appreciated, was some communication things had changed, or wasn’t working out. That could have been a simple text message. Something, anything instead of just *poof* disappearing. On the positive end, for those I have matched with and not felt a connection or wanted to pursue things, I have been honest with them. Clear communication is kind. I don’t ghost, because I would never want someone to feel the way I felt in that moment. I wish more people would be considerate of others’ feelings. It is not easy for anyone to put themselves out there, man or woman, and no one likes being rejected. But a rejection is far better than being ghosted.
Lately I have been gobsmacked at some of the things I have seen with online dating. First and foremost, I am convinced most men do not know how to hold a conversation. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of times the conversation fizzled out because I was not asked a single question about myself…and I refused to keep the conversation going by being the only one to ask questions and be curious. This morning I matched with someone who was handsome and he messaged me to tell me that he had just gotten back from the gym, and he has to wear two pairs of bike shorts….and was that OK?!? I played dumb and asked, “Was what ok?” To which he proceeded to tell me how BIG he is and if I would be OK that he was so incredibly large. First of all, um, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, you are THAT huge. Secondly, this was in the first 3 messages he sent me after we matched. Huh? What? You’re leading with your cock size in this initial conversation?!? Is that all you have to offer?!? The smartass in me wanted to message him and say “Prove it!” but I told him it was an unappealing lead in and he ended the conversation. LOL I mean, I understand some people are only looking to hookup or be solely FWB, which is fine, but at least be upfront in your profile or what you are looking for.
I had another guy I was talking to send me a picture of another woman and then mentioned something about a date. Um, ok?!? Listen my guy, I am a mid-40’s woman who is divorced…if you are trying to make me jealous by letting me know you have options, I hate to break it to you but your approach just backfired. While I would love to find someone to date and go on adventures with, I do not need you in my life. So if your plan is to “make me jealous” in order to get my attention, I am wholly uninterested.
I had a few times where dates were arranged and then fell apart at the last minute. One guy changed the meeting time of our date, and the place we were supposed to meet at was closing within 30 minutes of us getting there. I asked him if he had suggestions for an alternative place or if he wanted to reschedule and his reply was, “I understand if you have changed your mind about meeting me.” Ummmmmmm, WTF?! When I told him that wasn’t what I said he stopped responding to my text messages. I silently thanked the Universe for screening him out for me. Another guy I had to reschedule our initial date because I wasn’t feeling well, and he told me he would get back to me with options for where to meet. This was a week before our date. He did not reach out until the afternoon of the day of our date. I told him I didn’t think it was happening since the ball was in his court to send me places and he never did. He told me I could have reminded him. No thank you sir! Last time I checked, I thought you were a grown ass adult. If you need me to REMIND you we have a date and for you to make plans, this does not bode well for any kind of future. I already have a child and am not looking to manage a man-child as part of my next relationship. That was part of the reason I got divorced. No one is attracted to someone they have to mother or be a parent to.
There have been some positive moments, along with some disappointing ones as well. I know this is part of life. Despite some of the letdowns and challenges I remain hopeful to meet someone I am compatible with and who will add to my life. Some days are more hopeful than others. This morning I am not that optimistic. I texted my bestie and asked her to remind me why I am doing this again. SIGH Until that happens, I will continue to share my comedy dating stories so everyone can have a few laughs.
What No One Told Me 